Author: nmrecoveryhope

Everywhere I go, I see something beautiful. I miss my hometown and home state of New Mexico, but living in Texas, I have found beauty in every place I go too. There are wildflowers everywhere in the hill country and when they bloom especially along the highways and in the middle, it never stops impressing me. Bluebonnets first, followed by orange indian paintbrush, purple daisies, yellow flowers of all kinds, some taller than all the others, white flowers, pink flowers, red flowers and multi-colored flowers. I haven’t learned all their names, musical sounding at times. There’s Hymenoxsys, Fall Aster, Esperanza, a wide rainbow of color that grows naturally here, or is planted. The Texas DOT boasts an impressive 30,000 pounds of native flower and grass seeds are sowed every fall. And they also plant carpets of green grass mixtures.

Then, there are the trees…..I wondered what besides love brought me here and I have discovered a new arborvitae fascination. Each tree is shaped with different limbs, branches, and leaves that seem to want to tell me a story…it’s really spiritual. I am taking so many photographs with the hope that someday I will have time to learn to sketch them all properly.

Then there’s my education and career. I am in the final phases of my second master’s degree. I am presently in my Pre-practicum phase of my MS in Addiction Counseling and am working at a ranch which is beautiful, which is all I can say about it. I am really enjoying my hands-on learning and have met some amazing people in the mental health and addiction recovery fields.

And finally, there’s my love, my relationship with an old flame that has grown into a partnership. We are different in many ways, but we also have learned some commonalities we can share, like for example, he is a good photographer and has taught me, and given me an iPhone 12 (I haven’t been an Apple girl since the 1990s), and my first real camera which is a Panasonic Luminix so I can take better distance photos. There are so many birds here, it’s like waking up in the jungle. Our home is across the street from a beautiful lake in a development built in a pecan orchard, so everywhere you drive there are trees on both sides of the street arching over toward each other like a tree tunnel. When the light hits it right at other times of the day, it is truly gorgeous! And that leads me to…

Gratitude and my own recovery. I can still do online meetings in my home state, as well as here (thanks to the pandemic). I have had both vaccinations, (Moderna) and did fine with the first one (hardly noticed it), but the second one took me down for a couple days like having a bad flu. I am happy to report that I am fine now, at peace, talked with my sponsor in NM, working three days a week, still in love, and grateful to my Higher Power for everything I experience.

Somehow, I want to help our society heal. Let’s calm down all the hate, and try to replace it with tolerance, love and forgiveness. Accept that we each are unique and walking a path that is ours to understand. The Creator has blessed us each with gifts, we should share them, even if it is just smiling at someone; that smile costs us nothing and it may impact someone else who really needs the connection.

Finally, I want to say today that in spite of the documentaries and fake news, the tragedy of the Opioid Epidemic is that we chose to take the drugs. Nobody forced them down our throat. We need to be accountable where we should. I am an advocate for pain relief. There are now cancer patients or others suffering in pain that should not be and who cannot get relief anymore due to changing restrictions. As far as Oxycontin goes, that is a highly seductive mistress who will entice you to fall in love with her, then enslave you and ruin your life every way possible.

If you are trapped in addiction, please, please, do not resist the impulse to ask for help. There are many people who are willing and able to help you break free. The feeling of liberation after getting clean, is indescribable. We forgot what happiness felt like and have to re-define it and experience it all over again. Or we never had it, and can experience it for the first time in a life free of drugs and alcohol. We get to take back control of our lives with the help of a Higher Power of our own choosing who truly loves us and believes in us and our growth. Don’t wait….

If you have anything you need to share, feel free to use the contact section of this site. Also, the owner of this account has set up a new secure email account to converse with those who wish to talk with me. The address is: recoveryhope@protonmail.com Feel free to reach out.

In the interim, peace, love and blessings to all who read this….

I have been away from this blog and website for far too long. I can share that I have officially relocated to Texas after being a Los Alamos, New Mexico resident for 45 years. Sold my home, retired from my job at Los Alamos National Laboratory, and moved my life to Marble Falls, Texas. I have real cowboy boots, but as far as a hat goes…well my style is more urban than cowboy.

What happened is that I was juggling transitioning my life to be with another that I love, but this encompassed significant changes in my life. I retired from my job after nearly 30 years. That felt good, but scary at the same time…security became questionable. Then I found out that my age will drive a pension benefit from my late husband; that really comforted me. I love my partner, and was willing to move to be with him as evidence of my love for him. He made a lot of promises to me. Some have been changed and that reinforces my motivation to change my life and walk a different path.

I am ready to begin an internship practicum after I finish my last online eight-week course. I am searching the area around the Hill Country for an opportunity to work and perform my required hours of service.

I hope to be able to be of service to my fellow addicts and all humanity. My bestie just became a minister and she is so excited. It is a great step for her. Personally, I have to discover my own manner of ministry, and that encompasses changes in my life. I know my Higher Power has a plan for me. I am surrounded by men who are really into politics, and much more liberal democrat than this girl can sometimes tolerate, but tolerance IS the message — for EVERYONE now!

Enough with the bickering and back-stabbing; the hatred and violence; the “I Matter More Than You” attitudes. It’s like we all went through the worst divorce in history; that people chose sides and are still pulling out heavy artillery to disagree. I don’t mean to sound bite my own way here, but really, “can’t we all just get along?” If you are against the Republicans and conservative right, stop trying to pick and pick at persons of authority now –you will make Trump a martyr. If you are on the conservative right, or identified with the Republican party until all this crap went down during 2020-21, put your feelings aside and think about the future of your children and grandchildren.

I read a statistic that said that the largest population segment is now the Baby Boomers. People are living longer (pandemic aside), and we need to EVOLVE as a society; as a species!

What have we learned from all of this that is good or will help us move forward? I also read that the new administration will convert the GSA fleet to electric vehicles. That’s great for energy sustainability, but not our most serious problems. Everyone every individual in society matters; demographics mean nothing. I know wealthy people who donate a lot to charity and try to volunteer their time playing music at retirement and nursing homes. I also know people who are REALLY STRUGGLING to make ends meet –their addiction and recovery is in jeopardy, but their very survival is challenged by this history-making inclement weather robbing them of heat and electricity and fresh water, and food. THESE are people we can help to make a difference.

When I moved to Texas to be with my boyfriend, I had all these extra blankets and comforters to bring at the end of the move. I noticed in a recent expedition to explore the Austin area that there are homeless folks camped out under a bridge. I want to take those extra blankets and hand them out. I will try to make this happen next time I go to that city.

My point is, love is a free commodity…we each are blessed with it in some form or fashion. Love is not meant to be hoarded or sold. Give your love away freely…and as often as an opportunity presents itself.

Stay clean -keep coming back, or if you cannot logon to a meeting…call someone! When I get licensed someday soon, I will set up a hotline you can call too.

In the interim…get the sick secrets out in the open, and…peace, love and blessings to all who read this.

Stay safe and well….

There are so many things to be grateful for.  Every time I have thought to sit still and write things, something always distracts me and either I don’t finish it, or I  lose my post.

I am happy most of the time . Other times I am sad. But give myself permission to dwell only for a short time.

In a new town, a new life. Just learning how to share my thoughts with a non-believer who thinks I am crazy for my spiritual and  political beliefs. Won’t bore you with the details; suffice it to say it have my work cut out for me.

I just smile and give a kiss and send out loving vibes and pray to the God of my understanding to reveal Himself in a powerful way to him.

With there being so much discord and hate going through our society these days,  I feel that the only true recourse to combat it is love and positivity. Also, my family plans to get together for the holidays.  I am really torn up about deciding not to join them for fear of spreading the COVID19 virus,  because I am at risk as is my elder partner, and my dad who’s going on 87. He really wants us all to be together at Christmas and I hate to disappoint him,  but would feel worse if I brought the virus from traveling to him, or caught it from him or one of the other family members who are traveling from different states to get together and my partner got it.

It’s a tough decision to make. Also one of my siblings is not speaking to me due to her misinterpretation of a Facebook post my partner made. It’s her problem now as I have tried to apologize and explain to her that she misunderstood him. Such foolishness. Life is short–especially these days and nothing that petty seems worth grudge collecting over.

If she loves me she will figure this out before it’s too late. I love her regardless from a distance.

I finally retired and am happy with my boyfriend in a new place where I can make a fresh start.

I celebrated my clean birthday on Halloween. 3 years in recovery now.

Will find new meetings to attend. Saying goodbye to my home of 44 years is hard, but I’m trying to stay future focused.

Love, blessings and peace to all….

I have been in the habit of controlling this routine of mine each day so I can juggle school (only 3 more online courses to go!), work (telecommuting to my job), housework and yardwork, medical appointments, etc. For those of us in recovery, the illusion of control over our lives is really beneficial to our mood (or maybe that’s just for us Bi-polars, or is it us Borderline Personality Disorders…hmmm…).

Then when you add into that mix a new significant other living with you, you begin to realize you have lost control of everything…or maybe you never had it to begin with (winkface).

Now you add in an injured lower back, plus a complete redoing of (new oral surgery) a “bad implant” and things start to get cranky. Spending 24 hours a day with the same person without a break was never my Higher Power‘s intention! That leads to ridiculous bickering or discourse in the relationship that isn’t necessary. I refer to this latter condition as COVID Fever.

Who was it that said: “In order to maintain sanity, you must be insane?” The program teaches us that our addiction behavior is a form of insanity. So by that measure, the Step work should eliminate COVID Fever, right? I am just taking a moment to laugh at myself. I am trying to stay focused on positive outcomes. The one rule I always followed and lauded to others is that all relationships really need is communication and compromise. My kids roll their eyes when I say this.

I still believe that to be true, and also if we can survive COVID Fever as well as COVID19, then we can survive anything; overcome anything as a couple. Am I deluding myself? I don’t think people are on their worst behavior in the first few months that they live together in a new relationship. Instead, they call that the Honeymoon phase. So by that reckoning, whoa! If we are dealing with COVID Fever and also expected to transition from the Honeymoon phase to normal couple’s behavior and stay in our recovery, what is the Big one to come? A knock-down drag-out?

I am only kidding mostly. I have a painful low back which has prohibited me from my routine…housework chores are being performed by my S.O. or by me when my back allows. Then there is the issue of all the stuff that came out of my shed (from which I was recently evicted due to a land grant renege with the Pueblo who owns it). All the stuff is here in my house and outside against my house or under a tarp covering, while in the meantime, we are trying to find someone we can hire to assemble the new shed I purchased to deal with this stuff.

And the Beat Goes On….

Really the better metaphor, since most of you following my blog should by now realize that I love to use music lyrics or movie lines analogously, (to parallel some thought or part of my life which it relates to), the better metaphor is Push It Real Good, as I feel like I am pushing myself to keep to a general routine so I do not become overwhelmed. The problems with this is that in doing so, I may create additional problems for or prolong healing of my back muscles.

It’s just a downhill domino effect from there. I am mixing my metaphors and getting lost in what I want to say which is: just do one thing at a time and do it to the best of your ability in that moment.

I am not thrilled with my back, nor am I thrilled about the prospect of doing oral surgery all over again because “one of the implants is bad” according to the oral surgeon. But what other choice do I have? My mind goes to Dori’s mantra: “Just keep swimming…”

Peace, love and blessings and NO COVID19 to all who read here….

Can a Normy and an addict have a healthy and loving relationship of trust together? Most programs,  including 12-step like NA, teach that an addict should not get involved for at least a year. So what happens if an addict has been in recovery for several years and gets involved with a non-addict who doesn’t understand the recovery process? How does the addict explain the concept of trust within those parameters?

Those who have followed this blog and are in recovery may understand what I am getting at. What does sobriety or clean time look like to the addict versus the non-addict and how can the addict possibly deal with severe physical pain, without the non-addict thinking they have relapsed? If trust is the basis of every good relationship,  how does the addict get and maintain trust with a non-addict especially when they’re in severe physical pain?

You’ve all heard me preach that pain is good,  but suffering is not.

I have been suffering with a severely painful low back injury.  I have been taking a non-narcotic muscle relaxant that causes drowsiness as a side effect.

My Normy boyfriend interpreted my drowsiness as a sign of relapse.  Where is trust in this scenario? I need to teach him what relapse looks like for me, and that MY version of recovery includes the ability to NOT suffer in pain and allowing for prescribed medications to alleviate severe pain using non-addictive substances.

These are tricky waters. I have always honestly and openly spoken about this issue, but how do I help him understand?

Please share your ideas about this topic with me through this site’s contact email, which is contact@nmrecoveryhope.blog . I need him to trust in and believe in me, but am not sure how to navigate this problem between us.

Many of you may have dealt with something similar with someone you love. Your feedback is appreciated.

Peace, love and blessings to all who read this….