I have been in the habit of controlling this routine of mine each day so I can juggle school (only 3 more online courses to go!), work (telecommuting to my job), housework and yardwork, medical appointments, etc. For those of us in recovery, the illusion of control over our lives is really beneficial to our mood (or maybe that’s just for us Bi-polars, or is it us Borderline Personality Disorders…hmmm…).
Then when you add into that mix a new significant other living with you, you begin to realize you have lost control of everything…or maybe you never had it to begin with (winkface).
Now you add in an injured lower back, plus a complete redoing of (new oral surgery) a “bad implant” and things start to get cranky. Spending 24 hours a day with the same person without a break was never my Higher Power‘s intention! That leads to ridiculous bickering or discourse in the relationship that isn’t necessary. I refer to this latter condition as COVID Fever.
Who was it that said: “In order to maintain sanity, you must be insane?” The program teaches us that our addiction behavior is a form of insanity. So by that measure, the Step work should eliminate COVID Fever, right? I am just taking a moment to laugh at myself. I am trying to stay focused on positive outcomes. The one rule I always followed and lauded to others is that all relationships really need is communication and compromise. My kids roll their eyes when I say this.
I still believe that to be true, and also if we can survive COVID Fever as well as COVID19, then we can survive anything; overcome anything as a couple. Am I deluding myself? I don’t think people are on their worst behavior in the first few months that they live together in a new relationship. Instead, they call that the Honeymoon phase. So by that reckoning, whoa! If we are dealing with COVID Fever and also expected to transition from the Honeymoon phase to normal couple’s behavior and stay in our recovery, what is the Big one to come? A knock-down drag-out?
I am only kidding mostly. I have a painful low back which has prohibited me from my routine…housework chores are being performed by my S.O. or by me when my back allows. Then there is the issue of all the stuff that came out of my shed (from which I was recently evicted due to a land grant renege with the Pueblo who owns it). All the stuff is here in my house and outside against my house or under a tarp covering, while in the meantime, we are trying to find someone we can hire to assemble the new shed I purchased to deal with this stuff.
And the Beat Goes On….
Really the better metaphor, since most of you following my blog should by now realize that I love to use music lyrics or movie lines analogously, (to parallel some thought or part of my life which it relates to), the better metaphor is Push It Real Good, as I feel like I am pushing myself to keep to a general routine so I do not become overwhelmed. The problems with this is that in doing so, I may create additional problems for or prolong healing of my back muscles.
It’s just a downhill domino effect from there. I am mixing my metaphors and getting lost in what I want to say which is: just do one thing at a time and do it to the best of your ability in that moment.
I am not thrilled with my back, nor am I thrilled about the prospect of doing oral surgery all over again because “one of the implants is bad” according to the oral surgeon. But what other choice do I have? My mind goes to Dori’s mantra: “Just keep swimming…”
Peace, love and blessings and NO COVID19 to all who read here….
NMRecoveryHOPE 