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As the insanity of a lifetime of recovery continues and I crossed the threshold of my first year of sobriety, or clean, from street heroin and prescribed narcotics, I am also faced with a trip to visit my mother-in-law who’s in failing health at age 93 and the opportunity to visit my late husband’s grave in upstate New York. I made it here after a rather grueling trip full of problems across the country.

I left my house and went to the office because I had to go to a meeting that I needed to not miss and was behind in my work already, but that’s neither here nor there. I left the office at 11am MST and stopped to pick up my prescription and a coffee and ran into my niece who I haven’t seen for months (this one is the one that lives in Vienna). Anyway, once I hit the road, I realized I was running late and thought I would miss my flight. So I called my best friend in Phoenix for help. I thought she could call to check and see if there was a later flight. I didn’t know that at the moment her granddaughter was undergoing surgery for the major cancer tumor she has been fighting for the past five months. I felt completely embarrassed and stupid. But my friend said that she needed something to do besides wait in the waiting room, so she took my confirmation number and said she would call me back.

She called me back a couple of minutes later and had the airline on the phone with us too. By then I was in be Santa Fe. When the ticket agent got back on the line she said she could change the ticket without charging me 800 dollars more after all. Whew! I was about to say “book it” until my friend said 6am. (Which would have meant leaving the following day and I just couldn’t do it). So, I thanked them both profusely and prayed to God intensely as I accelerated.

My friend called me back and said that I would have to call the airline when I got to the airport, because the agent she spoke to already booked my flight. Then she warned me to be careful and safe.

I got to my flight in time. I made it to Minneapolis. Unfortunately, the gate for the next flight was 2.1 miles across the airport. I had enough time to get to it though. I finally boarded and then we got stuck on the tarmac first for a long time and then on the runway for an even longer long time. By the time I got to New York, the rental car place was closed and I had to beg another company for their very last one.

Got to my final destination at 3am and it snowed today and raining all day and I had to take the rental car back to the airport to trade it for something smaller.

I want to get some closure on a few things on this trip but don’t know if I can. Will blog more about it when I can. I want to go to a meeting in this city too but I don’t know if I can make it work.

Peace, love, and blessings….

This is a fictional name.  She represents an alter of mine.  I’m pretty sure I’ve told you that before.  Things have been insanely convoluted.  I have finally completed a project that consisted of 256 documents for transition to the new contractor managing our Laboratory, and believe me, it was more than challenging.  Simultaneously, my offer letter bounced back to me for a third time, I was scolded for staying late to deal with it, I had another run in with the supervisor who doesn’t like me and does everything possible to derail my career and my life, had a hiccup with a job interview by having my cell phone on my body in a place where I shouldn’t have but wasn’t told, had to have a stress echocardiogram and ran so fast on a treadmill I thought I would have a heart attack, and found out my heart has a murmur, and I have too low of blood pressure and have to add salt to my diet!  The good news is that I am slowly losing weight AND my doctor told me the most shocking thing.

Well, first of all, let’s talk about addiction and recovery for a moment.  Today is October 27th.  This means that in four more days, I will celebrate my ONE YEAR CLEAN birthday!!!!!  I can hardly believe it and I am so happy about it!  I am still in an IOP program and attending NA meetings twice a week.  I am still doing step work.  Still stuck in Step 4 which I plan to finish TODAY.  I have chosen a new sponsor too.  We’ll see if it works.  If not, I will look again.  I DO plan to go after the MS in Addiction Counseling from Texas Tech University, but not until next summer when my finances are in better shape.

My vision radically deteriorated, and the doctor said it was NOT from going off narcotics, so I have to buy new glasses too.  I can no longer drive safely at night.  I almost wrecked three times last night on the way home from Santa Fe.  I think I am going to avoid driving at night from now on.  We’ll see what changes when I get new glasses.

I have taken up drawing the local mountains (Jemez landscape with the gold and green and autumn colors so beautiful!, and the Sangre de Cristos), but I just can’t quite seem to get it right and I get so frustrated!  My mother was a great artist – an oil painter and sculptor.  I am not allowed to take pictures on Lab property, but that’s where the best view is so I think I will try to sketch from there if they say I can.  I have colored pencils, charcoal, canvas, sketch pads, markers, gel pens, pastels, etc.  It makes me happy, like my bubble baths.

Just for today, I will do my house chores, get in my workout, do my Step work, then draw.

Now, back to the shocking revelation by the doctor… he told me that not only do the doctors (in Santa Fe I guess?) realize there is a stigma about addiction they are trying to change the conversation about, but…get this…they now believe, “some people are just meant to be healthy and heavy”…did you get that???  He also said he thinks I look beautiful at the size I am at, but will support my losing 25 pounds in one year only!  I couldn’t believe it!  I started crying and I cried in his arms because he is a HUGGING doctor who also believes that hugging his patients helps them to heal…and I LOVE that!  But I also told him that I wished that my late husband had lived to hear this philosophy.  It would have saved his life.

In one of my early blogs I told the story of how I lost my husband and why I don’t believe in bariatric surgery as a diet or a panacea for weight loss in this country and now they are pushing it on the radio for a clinic in El Paso but THEY ARE NOT TELLING PEOPLE THE RISK OF DEATH AND MANY HAVE DIED FROM IT!!!  I HATE TYLER TEXAS (Sorry Texas, I don’t really mean that) because of that horrific traumatic experience.

Anyway, I have fought to conquer my dependence on drugs, and I win every day.  I refuse to ever go back.  I am grateful for whatever time I have.  TIME IS THE KEY TO IT ALL.

Peace, love, gratitude and blessings to all….

It’s been raining non-stop for days and my Monday night meeting is being cancelled permanently closed due to lack of participation. Then tonight I asked my home group members if we were meeting and they both declined, but worse, when I asked them about the meeting next week they wouldn’t even respond to me.

What’s happening???

The bullying is increasing at work and I am feeling tired.

Tired and small. Time to make a move.

I have an interview tomorrow. Please pray for me that it goes well and materializes into something better.

Rain should bring peace and contentment not sorrow.

Peace, love and blessings.

It has been cold and rainy week and today the temperature really dropped so we are expecting our first snow fall tonight. There’s something about being home on a cold, rainy day that makes you lethargic and wanting to snuggle under a blanket and watch movies. But the lo tonight is predicted for 27 so really I need to drip the faucets so pipes don’t freeze.

I have been struggling with a bit of a sore throat all week and am not wanting that kind of winter cold. The heater is running and the dryer earlier too. It should be toasty warm in here, but the temperature outside is falling fast. Needless to say I’m praying for a snow delay tomorrow morning.

Got the laundry done and the floors mopped and the bills paid, so the day was somewhat productive.

Two things went unaccomplished… I never got to the gym for my workout and I didn’t pick up the mail from my mailbox. Will try to knock these out tomorrow.

Right now, step work time, as I continue my slow chisel through Step 4. I owe an update to my sponsor afterwards.

Peace, love and blessings to all. Stay cozy and safe.

After a quick flight over to Phoenix, I waited for my luggage which mysteriously disappeared from the carousel for a while. Once I finally got it, I headed outside to meet my BFF only to be met by an oppressive humidity and buckets were dripping from my face.

She picked me up in her new Acura RDX and the starting gun fired, we were off and running… let the power shopping begin!!!

My BFF and I always go shopping together and silently compete for the title of Bargain of the day no matter where we are. It’s the grocery store… it’s the Goodwill, or the Macy’s. It doesn’t matter really because we have a blast regardless.

We have walked till our feet hurt, got nice relaxing pedicures, gone to church, meetings, and babysat her one year old granddaughter who has cancer.

It’s been a blessed weekend so far.

Peace, love and blessings….