You’ve heard that said in a meeting by someone…”An addict alone is in bad company” but I think I may disagree now….It has taken me over a year to learn about myself and that includes how to be alone with myself comfortably. My therapist told me last year to “fall in love with my life” –my house, my bubble baths, my body, myself. This has given me the door in my journey to walk through…ALONE. I have been a widow for nearly 14 years and the loneliness was unbearable when I was in active addiction, but NOW IT IS NICE TO BE ALONE. I have had the ‘quiet moments’ I needed to make real major decisions; life-changing decisions, that I could not have made without growing spiritually.
In my last blog I talked about not compartmentalizing my relationship with the God of my understanding. I have practiced each day giving everything that troubles me over to Him (or Her or whatever you believe in). IT WORKS! I also make sure to be grateful. I was staring at the Help button in the elevator and wondering wouldn’t it be great if you could push that button and ask God to help you with everything? This is a true story:
I got off the elevator and ran into my ex-pastor who now works in my building (this man is my friend and considered like family to my family and me. I was telling him about the latest message I heard in my online church about the Beatitudes and verse 9 of Matthew chapter 5 that says “Blessed are the peacemakers, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” I was telling him how the online pastor interpreted that as we can all be peacemakers by fixing our relationships, at home with family, with friends and at work. Well he agreed and we talked about forgiveness and he said to me “use healing words; even down here” and he motioned toward the office area he works in where the Admin and I had gotten into an argument she escalated, then called in her manager, then filed a complaint against me. I won’t say anything else about it other than I felt she was way in the wrong and had instigated the whole thing. Then after speaking with him, my heart said I needed to heal that relationship.
Just as I walked away from him, the woman; the Admin I had the incident with was coming out of the stairwell. She stopped me…She apologized…She hugged me. I responded in kind…with healing words, we made peace. Not even ten minutes later, I got a phone call for a job interview for a position I really want. I couldn’t believe it. Then I got a call from our HR-ER department. The Big Boss I had talked to about the woman who has been bullying and harassing me for the past four years, contacted HR-ER and told them my story and to contact me. At first I was scared and worried, then I remembered the elevator button and I gave it over to my HP. The rent was due as well as a large minimum payment on my credit card but we were waiting 3 weeks for the next check due to the company transition to new management. I was trying to figure out what to do after work and finally resolved myself to a late charge on one of them since my account was short by fifty bucks. I stopped to get the mail from my mailbox….
Un-freaking-believable! There was a check from the US Treasury for 58 dollars….My whole week my attitude has changed. Be thankful, be grateful, be forgiving, give the rest over to God to worry about. Then take notice of the miracles in your daily life that you would normally not see, or would write off to chance or circumstance, or coincidence. I am trusting in my faith and not anything else. I enrolled in school too for the MS in Addiction Counseling I want. If it is HIS WILL and NOT MINE, that will materialize too. This is my story.
Peace, love and blessings to all….
NMRecoveryHOPE 