Sweet November

There’s so much to share and I am not sure where to begin. Let me start by saying that I did get some closure on my trip to the east coast. My time in New York was hurried but productive. I spent as much time as I could with my mother-in-law who is now going on 93 years old. She is not doing well and doesn’t want to be here anymore and I understand that I really do, but as I tried to explain to her, when my husband died (her son), her husband just chose to give up shortly after. He died just a few years later. She and I had to keep going for many reasons.

Last year when I was at rock bottom for the last time and wanted to give up my life, it was my daughter who helped me by holding up the mirror and showing me that it wasn’t my choice to make.

So I had to have this same conversation with my mom. We were at her house which is going to be sold (a 2-story with a basement) and she can barely walk with a walker and me carting them both back and forth with the rental car. We were going through pictures of the family and came across a totally unexpected email.

We read it together and I got very angry. It was a printed copy of an email from my husband to my brother-in-law. He went into great detail about the joy and excitement he felt about the doctor he found who was also from Rochester NY and how he discussed all the risks and mortality rates and answered all of his questions about deaths.

I was flabbergasted.

He knew. All the time…he knew everything… and he NEVER EVEN TOLD ME.

Well he never said a word to her about it either.

We were both angry that day.

But…we decided to let it go in the end… but not before lashing out at each other first.

She became defensive and I got angry. In the end, it’s all about the journey.

More tomorrow….

Peace, love, Happy Thanksgiving blessings

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