Yes, I was gang molested at 9, and have survived more rapes, incest, and 2 abortions. I have survived 2 suicide attempts, the deaths of my beloved husband and mother, aunt and 2 uncles. I have even survived her continuously bullying me at work. Now I have survived a slew of a medical battery of tests. I’m not through yet. I must suddenly deal with it –a possible new relationship with a co-worker who is going through a nasty divorce. I like him and its clear that he is attracted to me. He is a brilliant and funny man who suffers from dwarfism. I gained so much weight that I don’t understand how he could be interested in my body. I am nervous about our first date tonight.
I know I will survive whatever happens but will I be led to relapse through alcohol (not my Drug of Choice). Will i lose my clean time which is coming up on ten months in order to drive away my fears and inhibitions to get intimate with this man who I am crazy about? Or will I continue to stick to my program of recovery and survive? I have learned how to get along on my own.
If I can park, repress, compartmentalize my bi-polar and PTSD, perhaps I can have a normal date with this guy and survive my libido and sexual promises.
Please pray that I can be strong enough to survive the night and all that I explore with him. I will update you later. Talked to my sponsor and not much help.
Peace, love and blessings to all of you….