“Instant Gratification Takes too Long”

I am/was/am an avid Carrie Fisher fan; not for the Princess Leia nonsense, but for her humor and wisdom.  The title of this blog is one of her many famous quotes.  I also love where she said “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

This really resonates with me as I am working my first 4th step and writing it all out, wow –I am really holding onto a lot of resentments.  It’s taking a long time and many many pages, but I think it’s important to get that sickness out of me where I can look at it and let it go.

Carrie also said: “I’m very sane about how crazy I am” and “I don’t hate hardly ever, and when I love, I love for miles and miles. A love so big it should either be outlawed or it should have a capital and its own currency.”  –I feel like that about my own self and my own capacity to love. I wonder if I will ever feel that way again with someone or if I just had my one chance at it and blew it forever.  She also said “my heart’s in the right place, cuz I hid it there.”

Yeah, she had a lot to say about being mentally ill that I can really connect to; and she still makes me laugh about my own mental illness.  She talked about being bi-polar a lot and being a survivor: “You know that bad thing about being a survivor -you keep having to get into difficult situations in order to show off your gift”
OMG – this is so ME.

And then there is this favorite quote:

You know how most illnesses have symptoms you can recognize? Like fever, upset stomach, chills, whatever. Well, with manic depression, it’s sexual promiscuity, excessive spending, and substance abuse – and that just sounds like a fantastic weekend in Vegas to me!