This is a fictional name. She represents an alter of mine. I’m pretty sure I’ve told you that before. Things have been insanely convoluted. I have finally completed a project that consisted of 256 documents for transition to the new contractor managing our Laboratory, and believe me, it was more than challenging. Simultaneously, my offer letter bounced back to me for a third time, I was scolded for staying late to deal with it, I had another run in with the supervisor who doesn’t like me and does everything possible to derail my career and my life, had a hiccup with a job interview by having my cell phone on my body in a place where I shouldn’t have but wasn’t told, had to have a stress echocardiogram and ran so fast on a treadmill I thought I would have a heart attack, and found out my heart has a murmur, and I have too low of blood pressure and have to add salt to my diet! The good news is that I am slowly losing weight AND my doctor told me the most shocking thing.
Well, first of all, let’s talk about addiction and recovery for a moment. Today is October 27th. This means that in four more days, I will celebrate my ONE YEAR CLEAN birthday!!!!! I can hardly believe it and I am so happy about it! I am still in an IOP program and attending NA meetings twice a week. I am still doing step work. Still stuck in Step 4 which I plan to finish TODAY. I have chosen a new sponsor too. We’ll see if it works. If not, I will look again. I DO plan to go after the MS in Addiction Counseling from Texas Tech University, but not until next summer when my finances are in better shape.
My vision radically deteriorated, and the doctor said it was NOT from going off narcotics, so I have to buy new glasses too. I can no longer drive safely at night. I almost wrecked three times last night on the way home from Santa Fe. I think I am going to avoid driving at night from now on. We’ll see what changes when I get new glasses.
I have taken up drawing the local mountains (Jemez landscape with the gold and green and autumn colors so beautiful!, and the Sangre de Cristos), but I just can’t quite seem to get it right and I get so frustrated! My mother was a great artist – an oil painter and sculptor. I am not allowed to take pictures on Lab property, but that’s where the best view is so I think I will try to sketch from there if they say I can. I have colored pencils, charcoal, canvas, sketch pads, markers, gel pens, pastels, etc. It makes me happy, like my bubble baths.
Just for today, I will do my house chores, get in my workout, do my Step work, then draw.
Now, back to the shocking revelation by the doctor… he told me that not only do the doctors (in Santa Fe I guess?) realize there is a stigma about addiction they are trying to change the conversation about, but…get this…they now believe, “some people are just meant to be healthy and heavy”…did you get that??? He also said he thinks I look beautiful at the size I am at, but will support my losing 25 pounds in one year only! I couldn’t believe it! I started crying and I cried in his arms because he is a HUGGING doctor who also believes that hugging his patients helps them to heal…and I LOVE that! But I also told him that I wished that my late husband had lived to hear this philosophy. It would have saved his life.
In one of my early blogs I told the story of how I lost my husband and why I don’t believe in bariatric surgery as a diet or a panacea for weight loss in this country and now they are pushing it on the radio for a clinic in El Paso but THEY ARE NOT TELLING PEOPLE THE RISK OF DEATH AND MANY HAVE DIED FROM IT!!! I HATE TYLER TEXAS (Sorry Texas, I don’t really mean that) because of that horrific traumatic experience.
Anyway, I have fought to conquer my dependence on drugs, and I win every day. I refuse to ever go back. I am grateful for whatever time I have. TIME IS THE KEY TO IT ALL.
Peace, love, gratitude and blessings to all….
NMRecoveryHOPE 