Holding On…Now Standing in the Light

It has been a month since I have had a chance to blog. So much in my life…in my world…in my recovery…in our society…culture…planet…has changed! I am working diligently at a long-distance relationship with a man who is 12 years older than I. I KNOW what it’s like and what it means to love, unconditionally, and be grateful for the experience. Tuesday will be my late husband’s birthday. He would have been 64. It’s coming up on 15 years since I lost him and it has been 14 since I lost my mother.

Somehow, none of that seems to matter right now. It sounds cold and disrespectful but that’s not how I intend it. It’s just that I am fearful –like everyone else– that someone I love could die from this virus. How did we get here? Who would have ever thought this could happen to us at this time? I just found love again after all these years and since my new love is 70, I am frightened that I won’t get a chance to share life with him. I am also afraid to lose my children or family in any way.

This begs the question, what are my coping skills to stay clean and out of trouble NOW? I feel like the therapy we are getting is helping us. I want more individual therapy for myself to ensure that I am strong enough to cope with anything coming my way.

I can deal with being alone, after all, I did it for many years voluntarily. I am starting to go a little stir crazy though, because I am such a people person and used to at least being with my colleagues and other members in the rooms on a regular basis. I am shopping for an online NA meeting since my home group is not meeting. I also have decided to rework the steps from the NA workbook, and work in my CBT workbook that I got when I first became clean.

Loneliness is a common theme across the globe right now. People are separated who shouldn’t ordinarily be. I have a friend whose nephew is in the hospital dying of cancer and neither she, nor his wife can be with him. WE NEED TO BE GRATEFUL TO OUR HIGHER POWER NOW -grateful for all that we have had and are having. I will add to my list of homework that it’s time to do a Gratitude List.

There are certainly many things that fear of this virus can trigger us to feel or want to do. I feel like the best skills we have are reaching out and communicating with someone else, and being thankful for the love in our lives and the fact the we are blessed with family, sobriety, and the basic needs of food, shelter and clothing.

I am not trying to sound pious so I apologize if it’s coming out of me like this today. My best coping skill right now is to MAKE A TO DO LIST and then you can REWARD YOURSELF WITH A GREAT MOVIE OR MUSIC YOU CAN DANCE TO once you complete it. Don’t forget to go outside and get some fresh air and sunshine (sunshine deprivation leads to depression).

Contact me through this website’s contact email if you wish to share anything.  In the meantime…

Peace, Love, Good Health, Safety…you know; blessings to all….

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