Of our Understanding…

Those of you in the program will recognize this “Just For Today” from last Monday, September 23rd, it says: ” The God I am coming to understand has a limitless capacity for love and care.  I will trust that my God is bigger than any problem I may have.” Those of you who have not yet gone through a process of connecting to a Higher Power that has changed you, I think this quote is invaluable. The thing about faith is that you have to make a choice to believe and that choice is ongoing; recurrent. It provides a sense of security and well-being to come to understand that some “thing” some force that is greater than human understanding at this particular midst unit in time has designed it all, understands through time what has happened, is happening, and will happen. I am not to push my beliefs onto others as a therapist, so I am trying to decipher how to describe my own experiences and faith and how they have helped me to survive the so-called “holocaust that was my life” (another therapist’s words to me about myself).

I will say that my personal experience was quite intense and remarkable. It was…ethereal…diaphanous…metaphysical. Once I was no longer held captive by my addiction and my soul was free to search and discover, all the acrimonious issues I was facing and absorbing came to a crescendo in one fleeting moment. I remember I was crying, on my knees, alone…I had been raised to believe and have faith, but turned away from it when my addiction overpowered me and my life…I didn’t think there was a God because I was so apoplectic over everything I had survived. The deaths of my closest loved ones, the addiction, everything. So I had a dialogue…period. I spoke out loud to the higher power I thought had punished me and forgotten me. To my surprise, some amazing feelings emerged from me that I had no idea I felt. I remember I started out this audible conversation with God by sharing my feelings of anger and hopelessness. Then I think I was bargaining…”if you really exist, then make (this) happen.” The light in my room changed and I was overcome with a sense of shame and humility.  About a moment later, I realized that if I were to truly follow my Step Work, I would have to make a commitment to believe again and this time it would be a choice of my own and a relationship of my own design. I gave responsibility for all my burdens and obligations, large and small to my new God of my understanding. I began to feel weightless, and a sense of peace pervaded me. I asked for forgiveness, understanding and love…and I felt it rush throughout me. I know this is a simplified description, but I heard a voice speaking to me, through me. It said: “you ARE LOVED…and everything will be alright.”

So every day, when I get up and am on my way to work, I give all my problems over to the God I believe in…yes, even the car.  The non-believers will say I have given myself the illusion of surrendering self-control and responsibility, but those of you who have worked the Steps in the Program will understand, I made it through my 3rd Step ”

We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Went on working Steps until the 8th Step:

We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

And then wended my way through to the 12th. So what am I trying to say today? Well first of all, many times the “Just For Todaypassages are right on target for us…and…I am grateful to have my HP and how He cares for me.  I wish the same for all of you.

Peace, love and blessings, and understanding that there are physics and metaphysics…to all….

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