You know it never ceases to amaze me how in this new millenium some cultural issues never change. Remember when you were a kid, and you used to play telephone? Back then, you would have someone whisper something to you, then you would whisper what you heard to the person next to you, then they would do the same thing, and so on. By the time the “original message” from the very first person got through the group of players, it was usually really distorted in content.
Also, I have to say that with all the studying I have been doing and homework for my degree program, I am learning that some things and some people never change. Females are held as the highest gossipers. I would argue that men are just as bad if not worse, except what I have witnessed is that when men gossip, it’s out of boredom. When women do it they are downright vicious and determined to hurt someone. Why are women so hateful to one another sometimes? I watched that HBO special about the abused gymnasts and saw how they banded together as a voice of empowerment and fought a monster, and in doing so started the #MeToo movement. I was really crying as I heard their impact statements. Wow, check it out through Amazon or on HBO direct if you can, it’s called At the Heart of Gold. <–That’s how women should be toward each other! Supportive!!!
Anyway, relationships are such work, aren’t they? I mean all good relationships require work otherwise they are just passing acquaintances. Communication and compromise, as I always say!!! Well, it has become very easy for me to withdraw from friendships with women over the years, because they are such work, and because I have been burned by so many in the past. Recently, I had really developed what I thought was a close friendship with a female colleague, and had been giving her guidance, helping her with her work projects, and lately, bought her a front-row ticket to a concert for her birthday. We had a good time, I thought. I didn’t get much sleep but it was worth it to me.
Then of course the very the next day comes the hateful stream of text messages with no explanation as to what (who) is behind them. You know what I learned? I was happier without the investment in this relationship. It sounds like that’s an unhealthy attitude, but it is better not to have these toxic women in my life. I give too much; get burned. Where is the trust? Enough of that. On to happier topics. So I think that drugwarfacts.org is a great resource, I think I have said that before and if I didn’t, go check it out! It covers every possible topic related to drug and alcohol addiction. I learned all about Ibogaine, and then studied other topics on it too. My current research is on the use of antidepressants to treat depression, in spite of the fact that a lot of them (SSRIs) are known to cause suicidal thoughts or behaviors. Psychotropics = not the answer. Will let you know what I discover are the best treatments. I already know one is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. These teach change techniques and self-awareness and are really easy to use if you buy the workbooks on Amazon cheaply. Also they recommend activities like Tai-chi, yoga, and meditation (ommmmmm!).
Keep searching, keep learning, keep changing, keep growing…be part of life not apart from life. The best way to deal with your emotions is to deal with them. Get a deck of cards. On all four of each of the Aces or face cards, (your choice, like for the women, we may use all four of the queens), write down four different emotions, one per card. For example the Queen of Hearts is LOVE or LONELINESS…the Queen of Spades is ANGER… the Queen of Diamonds is SHAME or GUILT…and the Queen of Clubs is FEAR or TRUST. Basically you choose the names of the feelings or emotions and place them on the cards, then shuffle and deal throughout your day until you get at least one of those cards. Once you get one, then decide to let yourself feel it, even if you do not want to. Sit or lie in a comfortable position and ask the card you drew what the healthiest way to play it is in your life. WRITE DOWN ALL FEELINGS AND SITUATIONS WHERE THIS EMOTION IS IN PLAY. This is a coping skill. WRITE DOWN HOW YOU WILL LET GO OF THE EMOTION UNTIL IT IS NEEDED AGAIN. NEXT, TELL THE EMOTION THAT IT IS DISMISSED; IT CAN GO UNTIL IT IS DRAWN AGAIN. THEN PLAY A GAME OF SOLITAIRE OR GO FISH and JUST LET THE CARDS BE FUN.
If you know of other creative strategies or coping skills for depression, please share with us here at the link on this page. You can also email vanesseter@gmail.com
Peace, love, and blessings to all…until next time….
NMRecoveryHOPE 