Fear Kills

Wow, it has been an insanely long time since I blogged and for my readers/followers, again I sincerely apologize. I have been trying to get the hang of effective and efficient time management.  Also I went on travel for my job in Orlando, FL to a class that PA Douglas puts on for administrative professionals and I was lured by its content regarding memory management, I even bought his book.  He taught some cool tricks for memory, using several techniques, like association of a verbal image with a name, combined with tag words. He also taught the body list technique and one more (I forgot -wink face).  Then there were other parts to the course, like stress management, assertiveness training and group dynamics (that last one I have done many times before). Overall, I recommend this to anyone in the administrative professional or support field.

Next, my girlfriend flew out to stay with me and accompany me to the amusement parks. She didn’t want to go to Disney World because of the cost (but I had budgeted for it) and we compromised on Disney Springs (which is an expensive shopping complex that has some interactive stores to it). I kept trying to explain to her that with my job, school and everything in my recovery life, I really needed to recapture a feeling from my childhood.  I called this experiental therapy. So we went for a full day (9 to 8) to Universal Studios and went to the Harry Potter parks (there are two in two different parks; universal has three parks total, not to mention its other theme water parks).  I got us on the Rock-it Rollercoaster first, and OMG, you should have seen her face –AND mine!!! (lmao). She was terrified and I was at first, but you aren’t supposed to try to move you are just supposed to keep your head against the rest and lean into the ride, but we kept trying to look at each other and got bounced HARD. I WOULD DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT.  She was furious with me and told me she would not ride anymore rides with me.  I got her on the Harry Potter rides which were really fun (feels like flying behind him through the castle and through the Quidditch match). I rode that one four times! We went on the Mummy ride and Jimmy Fallon’s thing, but she fell on the stairs coming off the Harry Potter train, so I was on my own for the others. Well, the park closed early on us and I ran for the Hulk ride and just missed the last one before they kicked us all out. I was really bummed about that. So I guess I just have to save for another trip (with someone else who is not afraid to fly. I did recapture that feeling of youth and being untroubled and carefree. Next I will head to Six Flags in San Antonio or better yet Cedar Point or back to CA for Magic Mountain and Disneyland. Check these out if you want to be a thrill-seeker:


Now here comes the bad part. I may have blogged about it in the past. I have been dealing with a bad tooth for over a year. I let two dentists and an endodentist root canal the same tooth until I could no longer take the pain. So I rode it out for the past nine months or so until I was forced to make an appointment with an oral surgeon. He showed me in the X-rays that they drilled it so much and so badly that there was no way to save the tooth anyway -it had a giant hole in the middle and no structure left to it; so I was forced to get an implant too. I still have stitches in my mouth, and have been suffering with some pain. I am on my MAT and my suboxone provider has helped me through this because the stupid pharmacist girls called the oral surgeon and told him not to prescribe pain meds to me (they did this without even discussing it with me – I am furious about it). Imagine that they have to dig the four corners of what’s left of the molar out, then implant the post, then put stitches in it. You all know how I feel about pain in recovery. Some pain is good, suffering is NOT. I have learned an important lesson about the stigma of being in recovery, the labels of “addict” and “dependence” NOT TO MENTION the labels we receive with our comorbidities — Bi-polar, Depressed, PTSD. It’s time to change the conversation -globally. If we are going to work to defeat addiction in our lives, then the medical field -including pharmacists need to understand how addiction works and should all get cross-trained or gain further credentials in this field.

Okay, that was my soapbox for now. I still plan to get my credentials and practice someday and when I do, I will listen for reality with empathy, not bias.

Peace, love and blessings to all….


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