Well I guess I have settled into a new rhythm this year, along with commitments, not resolutions. I am happy in the place I have gotten to over the past year; happy with the way my recovery continues to progress and happy with the spiritual decision I made to not “own” any of my problems or stress anymore, but to give it all up to my Higher Power so I can live free of those burdens. HE is controlling the outcome…my mantra? THY will, NOT MY will, THY WILL…NOT MY will…THY WILL, NOT MY WILL!!! Whatever is coming my way, is His plan for me. I refuse to hold onto the angst and negativity and fear anymore. I will continue to do my best at everything, and stick to my plan of continuing my resolve to be solvent and reaching for a new career dream, but I cannot hold onto any negativity anymore -there is no room in my life for those dramas.
Let’s see how long I can stay committed to this. I am really believing this is a life change for me and not just a temporary goal. But you know how we addicts are…we talk a good game, but in the end we can talk ourselves and others in circles and not really achieve the serenity and self-confidence that comes from living a life clean and in recovery where the possibilities seem endless and real.
I think happiness is a choice quite frankly. We live in a society where it is so easy to complain and be miserable, and you know misery loves company, so it’s easy to spread that misery and contaminate others with our negative attitudes. I’m not saying that a ray of sun shines out of my ass but I want to make a difference in the world and it want it to be by sharing my experience, strength and hope with others, combined with an education in Addiction Counseling where I can give guidance that actually helps people. I KNOW that I must sound saccharine but I am trying to be EQUAL! (winkface here).
I plan to use every tool I can that has helped me along with any others I acquire, to continue to improve my life and my recovery. It’s easy to get lost in pain, and despair – take it from someone who knows. I was the “Queen of Misery” and even my depression had a depression.
I refuse to ever go back there again. Yet realistically, I know I could wind up face-down in the gutter tomorrow, wondering how to get to my next connect and from where I would source the funds. That’s not a way to live, it’s a way to die. I am through death fixation, it will come for me soon enough, I don’t need to be hoping for it or looking forward to it.
We as a community of addicts who suffer from a terrible disease for which there is not yet a known or established cure, must come together and bring our “A”-game. Imagine what could happen if all the addicts in New Mexico or the U.S. as a whole came together to map out their SKA’s (Skills/Knowledge/Abilities) in one giant database? Then, instead of there being an Angie’s List, there would be Addicts’ List – the most expansive resource location on the internet. Talk about a connect! Whoa. And as addicts were trying to rebuild their lives in recovery, some could offer to barter their skills with others. For example, in addition to offering Skype or in-person counseling, I could help someone write an excellent resume, and in exchange, they could pull the weeds in my front yard, or help me change my oil.
Think about it. Just imagine what we can do together, in addition to “stay clean and recover.”
Let me know what you think about it.
Peace, love and blessings to all….
NMRecoveryHOPE 