Life is like housework. It never ends and you cannot possibly do it all at once. It’s sometimes overwhelming, yet strangely satisfying once you get through it –even though you know it’s coming around again.
So, I am working toward my one-year clean birthday on Halloween. In the interim, I am working on saving my job. I was dumb enough to be honest when I met with my company’s medical director about my Fitness for Duty. She asked how my IOP program was going and I mentioned that along with my frustrations about how disorganized the place is, and how I end up wasting valuable paid time away from work waiting for the doctor who is never on time, I also get frustrated with the fact that I have had positive drug tests there due to the fact that they insist on using cheap UA kits that make lots of their clients test positive for crazy things. Well, she evidently thought that I was trying to hide something and has now gone on a witch hunt for my records to see if I was lying about my sobriety all this time. I was supposed to report it any time I had a positive UA, and I did –to the company’s psychiatrist. She has always supported me and took a reaming from the medical director for not informing her about these tests (they are both women). As a result, now I have to chase down records to prove my innocence or else I could be suspended or terminated. Unbelievable. Lesson learned, it doesn’t always pay to be honest in recovery. I know the truth. I know that I haven’t used -other than the four prescriptions I was given over the past year for the dental nightmare that I am STILL dealing with. If you are following my blog or reading this, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers about this issue.
Next issue, I approached my boss on Friday about supporting my endeavor to go after another degree –a Masters in Science in Addiction Counseling. I have found a program that I really want to pursue, unfortunately, his response was not only a resounding “no” to having the company support the cost of my educational aspiration, but was also accompanied by an emphatic speech about how he had to pursue his education, without financial support and while being married and raising four kids…and “walked to school…in five feet of snow…uphill…both ways”…blah, blah, blah. It was followed by a non sequitur about my performance and how it has suffered due to my absences for medical appointments. I reaffirmed his statement, when he said he couldn’t legally judge my performance based on that issue, but it didn’t prevent him from basically informing me that my performance appraisal would be grim -yet again. This could turn into a legal issue…we’ll see. I have put up with crap from these people for several years now and frankly, I’m tired of it. I have to make a decision about school -a commitment, but first, I have to have my finances in recovery on track.
There are more issues…well there are always more issues to deal with.
I have survived a lot in my life and whatever happens, I WILL SURVIVE!!!
Gloria Gaynor references aside,
Peace, love and blessings to all….
NMRecoveryHOPE 