Lately I have really come to value spending time with my great-niece. There are several important reasons for this. First of all, she is a very polite and precocious 8-year-old, yet so little girlish and innocent at the same time. I connect with that innocence and naivete. I was that way as a little girl. That’s the part of me that is trapped somewhere inside. I never really let her grow up –through all the trauma and severity of humanity, that part of me remained altruistic and trusting. I love the chance I get to be a kid with my niece; to play dollies and color in coloring books (I am doing more art therapy alone now too), to watch the Nutcracker together and play in the makeup, nail polish and fix each other’s hair. We can even make crazy selfies.
Clearly, I am jonesing for some grandchildren, but alas my children are far away and not yet ready for that step in their lives. This is a nice temporary fix; to spoil my niece and then send her home afterward.
But it’s got me to thinking…more than that…to reminiscing…memories of my childhood, squishing my toes in the cold wet sand at the beach, then digging them into the dry sand to get warm. Napping on a blanket in the sun to the sound of the waves and the background noises of other kids playing, adults visiting, surfers whooping it up in the water. I tried to just close my eyes last night and think of any pleasant memory. I recalled how I felt the first time I remember going to Disneyland (1965), and the magic and wonder of the rides along with the smell of all the great vendor treats (cotton candy, carmelized applies and popcorn, hot dogs). There were some great flashbacks running through my mind. I had a LOT of amusement park reminiscences. Summer school mornings, back-to-school shopping, roller skating down the steep street that faced our house, making jewelry out of colored wire scraps left on the ground while they were building our subdivision, going out for coffee and donuts with my mom when I was not in school, and going out for ice cream with our dad any time he could find to take us.
There’s a lot to our childhood –more than I could ever fit into a blog post. What I believe, is that we need to fight to maintain that child within us. Take time to “treat” ourselves, watch a Disney movie we loved when we were little, make chocolate chip cookies or a cake from scratch so you can lick the bowl.
Remember Good Night Moon? Read a children’s book that you love. Go for a walk under the stars tonight. Try to focus on how that silence in the night made you feel as a child. Then -get your favorite movie and a blankie and go snuggle down for the night!!!
It’s not all horrible at this age…rediscover the chasteness of your life. Be…guilt-free.
Peace, love and blessings to all…
NMRecoveryHOPE 