I found a draft of a blog post from August and left it included way below in orange text, just so I could contrast that to the check in I am going to do for you now. How do I feel? Great!!! I have SO MUCH TO DO and SO LITTLE TIME AS ALWAYS, BUT THE DIFFERENCE??? THE freaking, liberating DIFFERNCE NOW? I don’t worry about the end game anymore. What I mean is, whatever I get done is what’s supposed to happen. I have finally learned to trust in my Higher Power and give it all over to Him each day. So when I start to feel overwhelmed, and believe me, I STILL DO at times, I just remind myself to give it up.
For example, ’tis the season. That means office parties during the day and in the evening and friends and family functions too. I have to host the office ones meaning from scheduling and setup to take down and cleanup, but that takes a lot of time and effort. I end up neglecting more important tasks. I need to finish the finances, work on the HR-ER documentation package, continue enrolling in school (FAFSA forms, etc.); ALL of which are MORE IMPORTANT than wasting my days working on these parties. But it has happen and it brings happiness to my colleagues, so the Cinderella work (as I call it) must go on.
Right now I have to get back to those three top priorities I just listed so, I stay calm and get done as much as I can.
IN THE WORDS OF MY HEROINE SCARLETT O’HARA…”After all…tomorrow IS another day.”
Peace, love and blessings to all and you can read the below draft from last August to see the BEFORE, now that you have read, THE AFTER….
Well it has been a long tough week. Monday night I got stuck in a construction stop not even a half mile from home. After 15 minutes went by, I texted my friend in the program who also attends this NA meeting I was going to. She, however, decided that she did not want to wait an extra 15 to 20 minutes for me. So, we ended up canceling the meeting. Tuesday, every thing was on track to attend my home group. However, one of the people who I have said can be selfish, said she could not get a ride to the meeting. She asked if someone would come pick her up about 25 miles away or so. I decided I was not going to do that. So, myself and the other guy that goes to the home group meeting had a meeting of Just The Two Of Us. Then Wednesday I took a break from it all and took a long hot bubble bath. Thursday, I had to go to my appointment at The Recovery Center. The blood test they had drawn on me for some reason unbeknownst to me came back positive for the craziest drugs. I tried to explain to the doctor that it was impossible for me to have taken any of those things, and she called me a liar and said that I needed to stop lying to her and lying to myself. I was so upset, because you cannot prove a negative, that I called my therapist. She said she would talk to the doctor. Then I called my sister. She pointed out to me that this doctor calling me a liar was triggering me. So I went home and took another bubble bath. Then Friday, which is supposed to be my day off, I had to go finish my appointment of testing from hell to complete my neuropsychological evaluation. I was so glad to finish it, and looking forward to having the doctor write a report which would close my fitness-for-duty. I took my time driving home, and did not speed on purpose. When I got through most of the construction I sped up because I felt like I had to pee. Then I remembered another construction was coming, so I started to slow down but not in time. A State Trooper pulled me over and gave me a very large ticket. I texted my friend in the program who also attends this meeting. She, however, decided that she did not want to wait an extra 15 to 20 minutes for me. So, we ended up counseling the meeting. Tuesday, everything was on track to attend my home group. However, one of the people who I have said can be selfish, said she could not get a ride to the meeting. She asked if someone would come pick her up about 25 mi away or so. I decided I was not going to do that. So, myself and other guy that goes to the home group meeting had a meeting of just the two of us. Then Wednesday I took a break from it all in took a long hot bubble bath. Thursday, I had to go to my appointment at the recovery Center. The blood test Bay had drawn on me for some reason on beat to me came back positive for the craziest drugs. I tried to explain to the doctor that it was impossible for me to have taken any of those things, and she called me a liar and said that I needed to stop lying to her and lying to myself. I was so upset, because you cannot prove a negative, that I called my therapist. She said she would talk to the doctor. Then I called my sister. She pointed out to me that this doctor calling me a liar was trigger me. So I went home and took another bubble bath. Then Friday, which is supposed to be my day off, I had to go finish my appointment of testing from hell to complete my neuro psychological evaluation. I was so glad to finish it, and looking forward to having the doctor write a report which would close my fitness for Duty. I took my time driving home, and did not feed on purpose. When I got through most of the construction I fed up because I felt like I had to pee. Then I remembered another construction was coming, so I started to slow down and not in time. Estate trooper pulled me over and gave me a very large ticket.
NMRecoveryHOPE 