Anticipation

I am packed and ready to go on my trip. I am excited about the opportunity to learn project management, the opportunity to go to a meeting in San Francisco, the possibility of a job offer to get back in my career field, and possibly better salary. I am nervous and excited about exploring the Bay area on my own.

At first I really felt like I wanted someone to share the experience with, but now I am ready and willing to go it alone. I probably overpacked. I am probably not going to be able to sleep much tonight. I can’t stop thinking about my greatest moment of fantasy — and reality. My greatest moment was slow dancing on the beach in the moonlight. I plan to make this happen again… only THIS TIME, I will likely be alone.

I am grateful for my love. I am grateful for the night we spent slow dancing on Zuma Beach. I am grateful for this trip and the chance to go to the beach in Monterey while there is a fullish moon out.

I am grateful for my clean time and my recovery…and for all those who read this blog post and can FEEL my excitement and anticipation.

I am grateful for those that I love and for those who have loved me. I am grateful that at my age I still fantasize and have a strong libido, and that I have only improved at making love.

My point is that this trip will remind me why I am still here and still waiting and wanting to love.

And that is what will allow me to let go of the past and its triggers of grief.

Closure… it’s not the front clasp of my bra. (Kidding)

Peace, love and Marvin Gaye, Donna Summer, Herb Alpert… well, you know.