I know now that my behaviors of active addiction included lying, justifications and rationalizations. I also know that I never loved myself. So now, how do I love myself without using any of my old behaviors?
I have been given psychological exercises such as using my affirmations list, or a gratitude list to “fall in love with my life” but with spiritual principles like honesty, open-mindedness and willingness, I am forced to use other tactics. One is to face the realities of what I didn’t love about myself –namely my body due to the way it has been used.
On the other side, I can focus on what I love in another (namely men)… like intelligence, humor and romanticism.
To get out of the fantasy and get to what’s real, I need to identify the qualities that I loved in the one I once called the love of my life.
The biggest one is capacity to love others and sex is way down on the list now. This is a big project for me. Self-esteem and self-love are equated with my appearance and sex…or it was.
This is hard for me to discuss. I will share more later about it.
NMRecoveryHOPE 