I have heard it said in the rooms that my addiction disease of addiction is just waiting for me in the parking lot doing push-ups. I thought at first that this was just something people say… and that it was corny and untrue, but I have learned the hard way that my people always know better. I have been having some scary using dreams and hardcore cravings. We had our first meeting in Los Alamos last Tuesday night and while it was a phenomenal success, I have not been to a meeting since. I was sick with a flu and fever, plus a bad molar infection and finally, my elbow has been excruciatingly painful. I now realize that these excuses are the reasons that I need to be working my program for recovery harder than ever! –Bald tires and gas costs aside, I am heading directly for relapse!!!
It doesn’t help that I am hearing in therapy that relapse is common, normal and okay. I know that all may be true, but downplaying it makes it worse to me. I know that doctors and therapists say this so we don’t get discouraged when or if it happens, and we come back and try sobriety again, but some of us are holding on by a thread at times just to maintain our sobriety and clean time.
If my disease of addiction IS DOING PUSH-UPS, IT’S GOTTA BE STRONGER THAN ANYTHING NOW!!! I have to go to my battle stations and have a strategic plan. So just for today I will: a) spend time in prayer and meditation with my Higher Power, the God of my understanding; b) work on my Step 2 and also make a gratitude list; c) call my sponsor; d) use my DBT skills to use the 3D approach to avoid Acting Out behavior and relapse.
I pray someone reads this blog post and comments back to me. Peace, love and blessings to all who read this.
NMRecoveryHOPE 